Image provided by: Siuslaw Pioneer Museum; Florence, OR
About The West. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1890-1921 | View Entire Issue (July 1, 1898)
y . y y y -y y •y ’ y J T H E W E S T I I r ADVERTISERS ¡ ¡¡ YOUR H O H E PAPER S U P P O R T IT SIUSLAW'S ONLY ?AP22. * O P P O R T U N IT Y 4 L.. ÍVOL. IX. GENERAL DIRECTORY STATE OFFICERS- TRAVELERS’ GUIDE TRAVELERS’ GUIDE. o X r d in ® r S T A Q K S T E A M ER o ~ L JN S . “ C O O S ,” Will ncakeZ-------o overnor........................ William P. I-xir<l. R E G U L A R D A IL Y etary of S'ato ........ .H. K. Kincaid. _ B etw een----- Leaves Florence Mondays, Wednes usurer........................................... Philip Metclieu days and Fridays. pt. Public Instruction. ..<>. M. Irwin. Arrives at Florence Tuesdays, Tlmrs- |e Printer........................ W. H. Leeds. orney General........... C. M. Idleman. di ys and Saturdays. ( ............... . R. 8. Bean Connects with Steamer and Scotts prenie Court j ...............F. A. Moore burg Stage Line for Drain. Also with ( . . . .C. E. Wolverton Stage Line for Coos Bay. Charge |g e Second D istrict.. .J. C. Fullerton reasonable. orney Second District . .. W. E. Yates H. H. Barrett, Prop’r, T R IP S Florence and Head of Tide. ORTHERN Pacific, Ry. EUGENE-FLORENCE COUNTY OFFICERS- STAGE LIN E. E- B a n g s , * P ro prieto r. i BALLADE OF A C ITY BOWER. If b o k y dells with brown und silver brooks Pipes nuuiberlcss perennially shrill, For publishment betimes iu sightly Ixxiks bungs bits*thing righteous praise of bough und rill. These are fair spots, but here God’s gracioui Will, A stone's throw from the city's heart and din Gives me ms fair—let me deserve it still— My upper window where the elm looks in. They love thuk things who celebrate 1h«> rooks That build in woody places mirk and ehill. My neighbor, tix>, misled, on sturdy hooks A painted cage hangs from his window sill And hears not in its captive's ev'ry trill Fleas for the liberty he may not win. Those a ie free, lusty tin oats with tune that fill Aly upper windows where the elm looks in. A glist'ring, turquoise Iwiy it overlooks. My pleasant bower, und a gentle hill Gilt with wild mustard blossoms. There are nooks Beyond them doubtless which a little skill Iu ballad making must mispiize. To thrill Tlie world with perfect lays let them begin Who can. This t heme befits an humbler quill— My upper window where the elm looks iu. When day is over at the rumbling mill And slipiMxl the gyves of office discipline, Here is nil exorcist lor e v ’ry ill— My upper window where the elm looks in. —Edward «•’. Barnard in Lotus. ............... ............... Stage leaves Eugene Mondays, j C a. Bimiissloners -, ' ' m., arriving at Florence the day Erk ........................ THEATRICAL RECEIPTS. following at 10 a. in. S lee p in g C a rs L ritf ................. Returning-stage leaves Flor E le g a n t C h a r le s H e a d . W on tier e d W li, T h e y W e re S o L a rg e In A m e r ica . ■essor.......................... .. .D. P. Burton ence on Mondays, Wednesdays D in in g C ars "Edwiu Booth Iu London” iVlho title Bool Superintendent. ........C. S. Hunt and Fridays at 3 p. in., arriving of an article iu The Century by E. H. in Eugene the following day at T o u ris t House. Mr. House tells of an interest S leep in g C a rs ing meeting between Booth nnd Charles G p. m. . . . W. T. Bailey Wednesdays, and Fridays at . . . J. T. Gallismi atice of Peace........... ..F . B. Wilson Bistable....................... John F. Tanner ST. PAUL Single fare . . . Round trip _ - - - _ Tickets for sale at E. Bangs’s livery barn, Eugene, and a t Hurd Resident...................W IL Weatlierson & Davenport’s office iu Florence. O. W. IInr.1 Win. Kvle L. Christensen M. Morris lard of Trustees Morder........................ .John H. Morris feasurer ..................... ___J. A. Pond arsii a l.......................... .G. C. Cunipton SECRET SOCIETIES. |F . <fe A. M. Florence Lodge No. 107. Regular communication on second 1 fourth Saturdays in each month. o. w. hcbd , w. m . . K notts , Secretary. MORRIS *** HOTEL, ...J . 0. FLINT, Proprietor F lo v e n o e , O re g o n . Head of Tide Hotel, W. W. NEELY, Prop’r. J. L. F ukxish , Adjutant. Elk Prairie Hotel. O. O. F. Heceta Lodge No. Ill,m eets every Wednesday evening in Lod^e ill, Florence, Oregon. Brothers in od standing invited to attend. J. J. A ndekson , N . G. A ndrew B rund , Sec. CHURCH DIRECTORY BYTERIAN CHURCH, Florence, gon. Sabbath service; Sabbath- 10 o’clock a. ni. Preaching 11 . a. ui. nnd 7 p. in- Sacrament of ird’s supper on 1st Sabbath ol •y, April, July and October. iody is welcome to all the services, requests Christians to make lives known. I. G. K notts , Pastor. DULUTH FARGO TO G RA N D FO RKS C RO O KSTO N W IN N IP E G H E L E N A and B U T TE TH R O U G H TIC K ETS TO C H IC A C O W A S H IN G T O N OUR AIM—To furnish tho best accommodations a t reasonable prices. Tables furnished with all the delicacies of the season. Wild A. R. General Lyons Post, No. 58, game, fish and fruit in season. Best meets second and fourth Saturdays accomodations for the traveling itch mouth at 1:30 p. m. J. I. B utterfield , Commander. public. Charges reasonable. I. U. W. Perpetua Lodge, No. 131, leets every 1st and 3-1 Saturdays month. Members and visiting ren in good standing are cordially edto attend. J. J. A ndekson , M. >V . K yle , Recorder. M IN N E A P O L IS $3.00 $0.00 CITY OFFICERS. P H IL A D E L P H IA NSW VMM B O 8TO N A ND A L L P O IN T 8 E A 8 T »»d S O U T H For information, time cards, maps and tickets etc., cah on or wilte R. M c M u r p h e y , General Agent. Koom%2 and 4, Shelton Block, EUGENE, OREGON. A. D. C H A R L T O N , Assiwtnut General Passenger Agent. *255 Morrison St. Cor. 8d. F o r t le u x ic i O r . The Funk & Wagnalls Standard Dictionary Of The T w e n tv -th re e ENGLISH M ile s W e s t o f E u g e n e . COMPLETE LANGUAGE SU C C IE N T ON E U G EN E AND. FL O R E N C E S TA G E ROUTE. M oney Saved By P a tro n iz in g it. Geo. Hale Prop. BUSINESS CARDS- A U T H O R IT A T IV E 301,865 Vocabulary Terms 247 Editors and Specialists 533 Readers for Quotations 5000 Illustrations Cost over >960,000 Appendix of 47>4*8 Entries • The full number of wurda and term« In difltsrcut dictionaries for the entire «lphal-et I» aa follow«: groMoXTH, 50,0110: W o r c h e it e a 1(15,000; W e b h t r r (international), 125,000; CEN TURY, («ix volume«. complete,) 225,000: STANDARD, over 200,000; Reade and reports the following conver sation relating to tho appearance of Booth und Irving together: "Is it true that tho prices w ill be changed?” “ Doubled, I believe. Irving says they must be. That is one of the risks 1 iqieak of, bat he is full of oouiidence He does it more for my sako than any thing else. ” "Then I hope it w ill turn out well. Wlmt ure the indications?'' "Very good, 1 hear. 1 cannot judge myself. The conditions are all different from whut I am used to." "1 understand. We are too slow— nnd thrifty, 1 suspect—to run the swift American pace. Yet I can't see why thcro should be such an amazing differ ence iu your theatrical business and ours. The stories we bear of Notv York profits sound fabulous. 1 should say they were fabulous if 1 had uot seen' the re turns of Wallack's when one of my plays was produced there. A hundred pouuds a uiglit is nothing to you, it seems. ” "Two or three hundred would not stagger us, ’’ said Booth, smiling, "nor four or five for a very great and special attraction. For several years the pros perous houses iu New York considered $1,000 a fair average the year round. 'Stars’ traveling through the country, for whom tho regular prices were raised, could sometimes draw much more.” "Were you ut all prepared for the lower receipts here?” “ Not really prepared. 1 was told what to oxpect, but paid no atteution. Clarke said 1 should get nothing at tho Princess’, bnt I did uot take his ‘noth ing’ literally. I thought I might count upon $1,000 a month at the very worst. He was right, however." “ I can't make it out," said Reade. “ Your theaters are uot larger than ours, and the prices of tickets are about the same, yet I see the Adelphi or the St. Jumes’ packed, without about ouo-balf the result that Walluck's shows. It beats my arithmetic. You cau't get more pcoplo into a place thou it w ill hold. “ “ We do that, too, Fonietimes,’* laughed Booth, "but, as I say, you must come und find out all about it for your self, Mr. Reade. Your audiences w ill he larger than tho hulls can hold, so yon can study the problem under the best conditions. ’’ “ No, no. You tompt mo to my de struction.” Bnt the compliment gTeatly pleased the author, who liked to hear such things said, though he affected a lofty indifference to praise. B c o I i I I d r V o d e r D iflleu ltles. fIRST RATIONAL RANK At a church gathering some time ago a number of deaf mutes were present. Refreshments were served during the evening, and iu handing a cup of coffee to one of the guests a deaf mute gentle man happened to spill a few dropa on his wife's skirt The wife is also a deaf mate, and it was evident that »he took 8URPLU8 AND PROFITS, • • »80 000 E. D. BRONSON & CO, tho mishap iu a rather irritable way. She wrinkled up her forrheud aud at Pacific Coast Agents once made u series of remurkably swift A C C O U N T S S O L .I O I T H 5 D SAN FRANCISCO, CAL. movements with her nimble liugi ra EUGENE, OREGON The husband, looking exceedingly apol 933 Market S t. ogetic, made u few inotiuui iu return. r r r f e r t l / O b llv lo m . One of the guests who bad noticed NOTARIES. "Sammy Snaggs, ” asked the teacher, this little byplay alyly slipped out a “ what part of speech is the word 'mal bit of paper aud pew iliug something ou ediction?' ” It banded it to a friend. “ Noun,” replied Sammy. A. R. BUTTOLPH, This is what the latter read: “ What gender?” “ No matter bow badly afflicted, wo “ Masculine gender. ” man can still scold." “ Indeed?’’ The friend scribbled tbit iu return: “ Yes'm. If it was feminine, it would “ Yes, but in tbe present case the hus be femaledictlou."—Pittsburg Chron band it luckier than tbe average. He O r e g o n . icle. P T orenoe. docsu't have to look. ” —Cleveland Plain Dealer. _________ T h e I llite r a te » . FRANK B. WILSON. “ I rapposo you took in the Bowery M arried W o m en T ea c h e r s. wbeu you were iu New York aud lis Of all the causes uow tending to keep tened to the delightful Chimmle Faddcn women out of matrimony one that is dialect?” very effective is tbe discrimination FLORENCE. - - • - OREGON "I did, but I didn't hear nny of tho against married women teachers in tho dialect I don't believe the Illiterate public schools. Maiden, Mass., is the creature» have read the book at alL” — latest to declare that the niamago of a BO YEARS9 Cincinnati Enquirer. EXPERIENCE publio school teacher «hall he regarded as a resignation of her oilioe. Mark the P a r se v rra n e« AI w ay« W laa. pronoun “ her. ” No such disrriiniuation Smith—After trying tar ten long 1» mode ugniust uiau.— Womuu's Trth- yenra I have at last succeeded in con vincing my wife that 1 am perfect. Brown—Arc you sure of it? Tbe region between the lin t and sec Smith—Of course I am. It was only ond cataracts of tlie Nile is tho bottesi Destane this m owing that she »aid I waa a per on the globe, it never rains there, au< C o f y r m h t s Ac. fect idiot.—Chicago News Anvone «endln« » the natives do uot believe foreigners S S S s S S S E t s r a s who tell them that water can descead Sympathy. from tbe sky. “ I’m really sorryfor Ploddin, ” re marked young Mr. Huppigo. The Roman bouses aud palace» were “ Why?" inquired the friend. “ I asked him to lend me $10, and he so imperfectly lighted that iu many liv only bad 76 centa. I con t help feeling ing room» the inmates were foruuil to sorry for a man who only ba« 76 cent» ” depend on lamps by day as well as by Bight. — Washington Star. [ODIST EPISCOPAL CHURCH .Sample Pages Free. vice. Preaching at Glenada ine two Sundays of each month OF EUGENE. ►School every Sunday at . Prayer meeting every llinrs- T . O. HEMDWOKS. »«<». » • »■ ZAK IN , J » .. C * W . ACENTS W A N T E D . ning at the church. Everybody v invited. G. F. R ounds , 3 Pastor. PAID UP OA8H OAPITAL, • • » 8 0 ,0 0 0 ATTORNEYS A. C. WOODCOCK, Attorney at Law, lu g e n e , - O regon » » « n n 7 »Iid » M cUreo'» Bulldl"? >eeial m teniion given to collection» »u«l pro- de ba si n ess. E. O PO TTER. ................. Attorney-at-Law EUGENE, OREGON. e r r ic i t the Court House. E . E. B E N E D IC T , A T T O R N B Y - A T - L .-A .W . Florence. : : Oregon. PATENTS i»n1Tr»1o H»ri«oM»l»M»s4»lir»tJ »'P * % 7 ^ u .4 in ! iw ti." with eo«t • ( wua« 1« <fce c * reign countries seat free. Ad drees, . A. SNOW & CO. ■ «FF. Favcsrr NO. 9. FLORENCE, OREGON, FRIDAY, July 1, IB»». W aswiwsvew. Notary Fdblic, Surveyor NOTARY PUBLIC. P atents IdtM lfic Ameria». M«kShr,*s?sas3?i«* THE APES MUTINIED. ON A VOYAGE FROM AFRICA T H E Y CAPTURED T H E SHIP. D ro v e A U t h e C r ew K z c c p tln a t h e C ap. t a la I n to t h e I U a a ln g - T h e K s e e p t io a W aa F a ta l tu T h e ir P lan », i f T h e y H ad A u y —A U se fu l H u u cl, o f U an au ae. “ I liavo bad some strung» crews iu lay experience,” said old Captain Bcu- S ju , "but the funniest kind of a ship’s company that I evor sailed with was one of big African upes, and it happen ed iu this w a y : “ It was during that period of tbo lifetime of the great showman P. T. Barnum, when ho had his museum on lower Broadway in Now York city, that my vessel was chartered by him to go out to Africa aud to bring back a curgo of wild animals that his ugeuts iu that country had collected. Wa had three big and two baby elephants in the hold, also a rhiuooeros und u giraffe, while iu wooden houses on deck wo cur ried several zebras, a numbor of ante lope und deer, also ten huge apes as large as men and looking iu the face exactly like the cartoons of the Emer ald Isle uativos found in tho humorous papers. Tho upes were very iutelligtut and wore capable of being taught many amusing tricks. “ On our voyage home I had occasion a number of times to advise the officers aud men against teasing these creatures, telling them thut they were known to possess a good memory aud were re vengeful aud would surely make it a point to got even with their tormentors ut the first opportunity, but as the heavy wooden bars divided them from the hairy faces that scowled at their funmuking they felt safe enough to give no heed to my warnings. The mutes and sailors took good cure, how ever, to pass at u safe distance from tbe eage iu going ubont their work, for on two or tln-eo occasions the alert occn- pauta bud been known to suddenly thrust forth a long muscular urm aud grip the unwary seaman in such a sav age way as to clioit a howl of pain on Juck's ¡iart. I could go umoug them Without tbe slightest f<ar and several times entered their cage for the purpose of caring for a sickly little baby ape that hud boon born just after leaving Africa, and for which the ocoau voyuge subsequently proved too heroic, as it died before we reaehed New York. “ One morning tho crew were all uloft on the yards furling sail, for it was blowing strong aud the ship bad been obliged to reduce hi r spread of canvas. I had taken the wheel, and the two mates were going lroui mast tu mast holping tlm work along by liuul- ing upon the gear us it was required. The apes had been fed a short time be fore, und it must liavo been that 1 had careliF ily fastened tho bar thut secured the cage door, for while I was looking aloft 1 heard u startled y111 Irdfii my two officers, aud the next muincut they wore climbing up the rigging like mon keys themselves, while the eruwd of apes came leapiug aft iu pursuit of them. “ Then the funniest scono that I ever witnessed was presented. Six of the apes took stations at tho foot of the shrouds, so that each mast was guarded on both sides, aud the other four mount ed tbe shrunds with all the agility of sailors and sought to reach the men. The upes followed tbe men as they mounted higher and higher to escape; then, wbeu the latter could climb no fartbor, they would grasp a stay that led to some place of temporary safety aud slide down it, sometimes going from oue spar to another in this way. For nearly uu hour this impromptu ex- hibitiou continued, und during ull this time the sentries on duck hopped about in excitement, ntteriug guttural yelps, which I have no doubt wire cries of en couragement and advice to their friends aloft. “ At lost the big monkeys gave up tbe chase aud came down on deck, where they joined the others, uud ull sut on their haunches, gazing up at the crew-, occasionally showing their rows of wicked looking tuetu, as much us to say: 'All right, my fine fellows. You stuy where yon ure if yon know what's good for your health.' “ I bad been thinking out a plau to recover possesHiou of my ship, aud uow put it iu execution. Apes are very loud of bnuauas, aud iu my room I had a fino bunch that had been green when placed on board, but which hud ripened perfectly since that time, it gave me something of a heart spasm to part with them, but I oonsidi red that if the scheme worked the sacrifice would not he a great one. Su I lusliod the wheel to keep the ship steady, then brought the frnit from below, carried it forward iu full view of the apes und placed it with in their oage, standing beside the door and carelessly eating a banana that I hod broken from tbe boitch. “ Tbe apes crowded inside aud fell to work on those buuanos ns though It wus an eating match, with a prize for the oue that consumed the greatest number iu a given time. I «Jammed the door to Slid fastened it upon uiy mutineers, aud yon may be assured thut for the re- maindcr of that voyage the security of that gate was carefully locked ufter."— Harper’s Rouud Table. A n » lle c tlo u . “ The deaf soil dnmb wonder is aw fully ill tempon-d today," twittered the alhiuu, by way of opuuiug the coaver- aatioa. "W hat for?” inquired tho dog faced mau. “ Home visitor,’' continued tbe albi no, “ wrote cu hi» ilatc thut his photo graph whi a »peaklug likumaa. Mod? Bay I”— New kerk l ’o»L The tower of Babel at Babylon waa composed cf eight square tower», one ' upon tbe other, tbu pile beiug COO feet high. Babylon waa a aquaru, 16 miles on each side, tbe walls being hi fuel ' thick aud 350 fret high. FOREST MONSTERS. S a m s o f tlie O ls n t T ree« T h a t A r e Fuuud lu C a lifo r n ia . In tbe national parks aud forest pre serves of California the big trees are by fur tbe most interesting and greatest natural features. There are two vari eties— namely, Sequoia serapervireus, ordinarily known as the redwood, the tree which has furnished most of the redwood lumber of commerce, and the Sequoia gigantea, from wbich a comparatively small amount of similar lumber has also been made. The for- mer is tbe smaller variety and grows on the foothills along the coast. Tbe latter attains a considerably larger growth, in, more strictly speaking, tbe “ big tree" of California, and is seldom found at a lower altitude than 6,000 feet Scattered along the extent of tho Sier- ra Nevadua from north to south art many distinct aud separate groups or groves of Sequoia gigantea. These are generally known by names significant of looality, as, for instance, “ Calaver as," “ Tuolumne,’’ “ Mariposa” and “ Fresno,” names of the counties in which tbe groves so called are situated. Tho Tuolumne grove is in the Yosemite park, aud the Mariposa near by. This latter is the one most frequently visited by tonrists and contains the "Wawona" — a tree with a hole burned iu its base, through which the stage road runs and four horse stages are driven without difficulty—aud the “ Grizzly Giant,” oue of the largest trees in the world. The stately grandeur of these enor mous aud lofty trees is so impressive that it seems quite fit and natural that some of tbe larger ones should have been individualized and honored with distin guished titles. Nearly every state in the Union and every distinguished gen eral of tbe civil war has a namesake among them. Tbe “ General Grant,” in the General Grant park, and the "Gen eral Sheridan” of the “ Giant forest" (situated in tbe Sequoia park) are indi viduals of tbe largest size. It is difficult to determine just wbich of the big trees is the largest, but these two and the “ Grizzly Giant”—the gnarly base of any oue of which w ill exceed 80 feet in diumeter—are probably tbe biggest trees yet discovered. The trees often grow in such inacces sible mountain retreats that some of the territory covered by them has never yet been thoroughly and systematically ex plored. Outside tho lauds reserved by the government a California lumber company owns several tbousund acres of these trees—enough to last 40 years, outting many millious of feet per year. — Harper's Woekly. “ LOVIN ’LIZA ELLEN.” * j Well. I t e r bod th ’ mump« nn itch Aii fever'n ager'n grip an »doh. Ao GOBI or twice a felon. But nutbin quitu kurfluinuauxed m e Bo’t* ui j anat’m j wouldn't goo, Like lovin *(Jza Kllen. Tu* nymptor.i.M kept a-foolin ’bout A right unrni t while an then broke OO> Izuweinw ouo night at apellln. For mouths—well, 1 jent io»t uiyieli, Put overytbing up on th* aholf. 'Copt lovu an 'Liza Kllen. | j • j My hrad Joat whizsedt I couldn’t ateap At nlghta. My idaeu Hproad like aheop You've without u bell uu. Panraranutra warn't a circunwtunue To how her fa c e d alido an dance. Th air wuz full of Kllen. I couldn't cat, an jeat th* eight O' vittlee floored rny appetite. No uau o' ray te bell lit, Pur I wus aoakud plumb through through. Wished everything in Kal'mczoo, ’Cept me aa 'Liza El lea. a 1 j aa On mem'ry farm things wouldn’t oat. I d go t ’ towu an olcan forget T’ ask how eggs wuz aellin, Remember'u Jest t* not be late A*huetlin home t ’ keep th* date I'd made with 'Lisa Ellen. All nature poured t* wear store otothea, A n’t eeemed t* tne like every roue About th* place wuz amellln. I never did care ahuoks for birds. But when they *d King they'd jeet soy words T* me o* ’Lisa Ellen. I'se mixed, but things got mtxodor still— Oress w us a carpet; diujh, a rill. { An every squash a lnelop. I talked eo dud 'lowed I ’se a fool An ought t' be oaged soraewhare in school Per curry in on ’bout Ellen. I molted round an fed on atr. But got so thin on thet blaiue fare A ohunge wuz j«ut ooinpcllia. It came—quite suddent—in th* Calh When I—she—w ell, no matter, all Flipfloppcd 'tw lxt me an Cllon. I didn't d ie’a 1 ’lowed 1 would. But in a week wuz feelin good. •Th’ rest ’(ain't worth while tellln. Last \v«*k she planted ’’number threat’* I s'pose they all tuk worsu than me A lovin 'Lisa Ellen. -Paul L. McKendviuk in Atlanta Conztitutloa. A F b ro M T h a t F a M la a ta d . After a long period of silence, Mean dering Mike raised himself on one el bow, pushed the hay from in front of his face and iu a matter of fact tone said: "Hooray!” “ What's do matter w it yer?" inquir ed Plodding Peto. “ I ’ve been iutendiu tor do dis fur a long time. An I come ter do conclusion ilut dere was no use o* puttin it off m lunger. It's a debt o’ gratitude ter a great man, an I ’m goin ter pay up. Hooray I” “ But who are you hoorayiu furF* "Speaker Reed. '* “ But be never done nothin fur yon.” “ Not personally. But he expressed A THRILLING EXPERIENCE. my feelin's. I understand he's de maa dat cornu out flatfuotod fur a do uothia D o I n n ! policy.''— Washington Star. flh o w ln x W h a t a S h o tg u n Cl L oad o f U a y . "What was tho most exciting experi CharMterUtle. ence I ever had?" repeuted Clarence “ Your clain chowder," remarked tbe Haight at the Olympic Gun club. “ 1 diner to tbu restaurant cashier, as he think it occurred lust summer, when 1 paid tho amount of his check and stow was hunting doves up in Sonoma coun ed away a pint of toothpicks in his vest ty. Now, shooting doves is uot par pocket, “ is distinguishable above ail ticularly exciting or perilous, bnt the other clam chowders I ever ate.“ this was oue of the hottest experiences I “ In whut way?" asked tbe cashier, ever hod. who did uot know whether to be pleased “ I hud been traveling nil day with a or uot. / big bag, and was pretty w ell tired out “ By its c la m lcssn ca a .P ittsb u r g wbeu I struck the country road and Chronicle Telegraph started for home. It was a good four milea* walk, aud I was pretty well C p to A l l th o T rla k s . pleased to see a big wagon load of hay “ Tbu man who runa the club approaching. The rancher gave me per next to tbe skating pond used to 1 mission to ride, so I scrambled up on prietor of a rammer resort h otel * top, lay down on the sweet, new mown "How do you know?” hay and went awaying aud swinging “ By his methods. I waa skating then down tho road. I wus just dozing off yesterday, aud I fell through the ioa.*ri when bang! went my sbotgnu. I bad “ What has that to do w ith it?** I forgotten to take tbe cartridges out of it, “ He tried to charge me for a bath.* and something bad pressed the trigger. —Chicago Post The horses gave a jump, and the driver rolled off into the ditch. W li« l Sh» W i “ Then 1 discovered that my gun bad set fire to tho liny, aud I thought it was about time lor mu to escape. Tho horses were tearing along tbo road as hard as they could run, bat I clambered fur the ■ids of the luad and slid for tbe road. Tbe tail of my stout huutiug cout caught on the top of a sharp standard, and there 1 hung to the careening wag on that threatened to upset aud dump a load of burning buy on mo at every torn of the road. “ Tbe fire was crackling anil burning fiercely, and ulready 1 coo 11 feel the flames. HI ill the horses ran, and still my coat held me fast to that teeth,ng muss of flumes My trousers commenced getting hot. and then 1 found my coat was ou Are. Tbe next moment the loose cartridges iu my pockets commenced ex ploding from the heat, and then 1 smelled my doves broiling. Old Lady (to photographer)— I don’» “ 1 bad just made up my mind that all was over, wbeu tbe tail of wy cout mind about a good likeness, you know, burned off and 1 wus thrown into a bat I must have a pretty picture.— ditch fall of water beside the road. 1 Punch. did uot stop to see wbst became of the C a u a o f D eath U nh aow a. hay uud the horses, nor of tbe rancher, Abe Link urn Jobnaing—Did yo' besh bnt cot straight noross that fluid for home. That, gentlemen, was the most ' «bout Gawge Wash'ton Jackson bow ba thrilling experience of my life. “—New done die sftah he oat two big possums an a whole pock o ’ sweet potatoes? York Press. Henry Cluy Jones—Nub, I didn'S S w in d le d . beab »bout daL Wbst waa da mattab First Street Loafer—It's a shame, wld him?—Town Topica Bill, to think that any one would »win- Caatloas. die a poor hard working mau in that “ Do you think that marriage i s » way. Second Street Loafer— Why, what's failure?" asked tbe fat passenger. “ I refuse to answer that question,'* your trouble? First Street Loafer— Hero I worked replied tbe aliui one, “ on tbe ground hard for half a day painting up a spar that I might incriminate m yself.“— row iuto a redheaded Bclgiau canary, New York Journal. aud I am blowcd if tbu fellow 1 »old it ■teal H»r»l»Mx, to didn’t give me a bud half crown fur iL —London Spare Momenta “ Mra Jinks is tbs most oouragaooa woman I know. ” “ Why?” Tbe town in England best provided “ She goes over and uses Dr. Blank's With places of worship is the ancieut oue of Roebdulc, where there are 146 telephone to cell up another doctor."— churches aud chapels. Fifty belong to Chicago Record. the aburcb of England and 96 to tbe Dla Apu»oe»®ee Af**"** atak nonconformists. Tbe church of Eng Admiring Friend—And bow did yo» land accommodates 94,449 and the uon- arrive at tbe conclusion the* ba waa eonforniiata 01,860 puraoua in sitting» merely tbo tool of ublsr men? Coufldenl Detective — What, Mn8 • Never does » man portray hie owu ebaracter more vividly than lu bie mau* batch«t faced freak? It w aasciaok * Detroit New» act of portraying another.— Rich tor.